


hand in hand

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, F/F, pining!kiyoko, yachi is a beautiful sunflower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5814802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first time she sees her, she is seventeen and she’s gotten used to pretending that loneliness is another word for safety. she stares at her notes and not at a shy smile and sunshine-drenched eyes.</p><p>(or alternatively,</p><p>all of the times kiyoko falls in love with yachi, and the one time she tells her.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	hand in hand

i.

the first time she realizes she’s different, she is eleven and the girls in her class are standing close together, their heads bent and their lips holding secret smiles, whispering about the boys they like.

she thinks about the soft edge of her best friend’s jaw, the  delicate shade of her eyelashes, the casual brush of their hands that always makes kiyoko’s heart beat like a caught bird. she thinks about the way that the girls on her team look when they’re playing, athletic grace and fierce beauty. _“but what if you like girls?”_ she says, the words clumsy on her tongue.

there’s an uneasy pause, and the other girls glance at each other, suddenly uncertain. none of them know the answer to this mystery, but one of them speaks as if she does. _“well, that’s wrong.”_

 

ii.

the first time she kisses a girl, she is fourteen and there is nothing but the roar of the crowd and the victory singing in her veins, and in that moment, she feels invincible. she doesn’t think before she leans forward and presses her lips against her best friend’s lips.

later, she won’t be able to remember what the kiss was like. she’ll only remember pulling back and seeing her best friend’s expression, and realizing that she’s made a terrible mistake.

sadness, she thinks, feels like being empty. her mother tells her that these feelings will go away when she’s older, that she won’t be confused anymore. (kiyoko wants to scream that she never was confused.) her father tells her that he’s withdrawn her from the team. (kiyoko says nothing.)

 

iii.

the first time she sees her, she is seventeen and she’s gotten used to pretending that loneliness is another word for safety. she stares at her notes and not at a shy smile and sunshine-drenched eyes.

when yachi agrees to join as manager, kiyoko tells herself that she’s only happy for the volleyball club. feeling protective of her, she tells herself, is only natural; if she laughs at her jokes, and smiles more, then it’s only because yachi is a good friend. she promises herself that she won’t make any mistakes this time.

they start walking home together after practice, and words are easier to find when dusk softens the edges of the world. kiyoko feels as if she has told yachi everything about herself and nothing at all. she is laid bare; she is unknown. sometimes her eyes linger for a moment too long, and she looks away quickly, praying that no one has seen her. (she would hate her if she knew.)

 

iv.

the first time she falls in love, she is almost eighteen and saying goodbye is so much harder when you’re in love with someone who will never love you back. (the first time she falls in love, she falls alone.)

she isn’t going so far away, she says, even though the words taste like a lie. they’ll stay in touch. she’ll come to practice sometime. maybe, she says, you’ll come and visit me. she’s smiling, even though she wants to cry.

she doesn’t forget the lesson she learned when she was fourteen, the first time she did something without thinking. she doesn’t say _i love you_. the tears in the back of her throat mix with unspoken words, and she locks both inside of herself. she will never turn this key.

 

v.

the second time she realizes she’s different, she is eighteen and she finds out that that the girl she befriended in her first week of college is dating another girl.

different, she thinks, doesn’t hurt as badly when it doesn’t mean alone. her friend is smiling and kind and hopeful when she says _“i hope that doesn’t bother you!”_ and this time, kiyoko answers her own question. _“it’s okay. of course it’s okay.”_

they will tell each other secrets, and kiyoko will tell her the one she’s carried for so many years that it feels almost impossible to let it go. she will hold kiyoko as she cries. and every time she says the words, it will feel like a miracle. it will feel like falling down and standing back up.

 

vi.

the second time she kisses a girl, she is almost nineteen and the cheer of a crowd has been replaced with the beat of a song. the party is filled with flashing lights and moving bodies and kiyoko’s heartbeat is a wild thrum that she can’t control.

(this time, this girl she does not know pulls closer to her, traces the bare skin of her hips, cradles the line of her jaw. _you’re beautiful,_ she says. _you’re so beautiful.)_

happiness, she thinks, feels like being complete. these feelings are hers now, and what she’d known for so long becomes something she can accept. this time, she chooses to love herself.

 

vii.

the second time she sees her, she is nineteen and a year has changed many things, but not the way her heart sings when she sees her smile. this, she thinks, will never change.

dusk comes again, and this time, she doesn’t stop herself from staring. her secrets are no longer kept from herself, and the brush of their hands sends a shiver of want through her, not of fear. (yachi is sunshine and warmth, hope and safety. she is whispered giggles and linked fingers and drowsy conversations late at night. she would never hate her.) kiyoko hesitates. she tells herself to be strong.

she turns a key, and it sounds like _“i love you.”_

 

viii.

_“i love you, too.”_

(the second time she falls in love, she falls hand in hand.)

**Author's Note:**

> ... *hides face behind hands* i hope you liked this!


End file.
